sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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