What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
