she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
