so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
