Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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