There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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