I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize