i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
