Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize