I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
