I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
nutella sex= disaster
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
