I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
