Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
