oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
