i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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