have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
