I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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