my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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