Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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