Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
