The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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