I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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