seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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