i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
