Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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