Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think my moral compass just broke
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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