How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
