fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
