I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We had sex on a dog bed..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
