I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
