i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
