My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
