That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
