let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I will be naked everywhere
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
