Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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