I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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