I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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