Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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