I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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