I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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