do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize