but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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