Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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