I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
