Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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