I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
