she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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