I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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