Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
