Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
