Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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