That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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