I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
