All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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