She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
