Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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