You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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