So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
