Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
