I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
