I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
