people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
