Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
