dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Operation Purity has been aborted
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
