you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
A+ Viking dick
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
