just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
