I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
