Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
